This blog post was written by VMFC volunteer, Jenna Miles. Jenna is a Licensed Professional Counselor and National Board Certified Counselor with a Certification in Perinatal Mental Health (PMH-C) and a specialty in Couples Counseling. She is the founder of Mile by Miles Counseling in Ashland, VA.
The holiday season can be a time for togetherness, but for many families, it’s also a time when difficult topics—like politics, gun violence prevention, differing values, and old family conflicts—can quickly bubble to the surface. If you're dreading those hard conversations around the dinner table, you are not alone. Here’s how to approach these tricky topics with curiosity, grace, and the goal of fostering deeper understanding, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye.
1. Communicate Through Curiosity First.
One of the most effective ways to navigate tough conversations is to approach them with curiosity, not judgment. Instead of diving in with your own opinions, start by asking open-ended questions. This allows for a deeper exploration of the other person’s
perspective and sets a tone of mutual respect. By showing genuine interest in what the other person believes or feels, you're less likely to come across as confrontational. And they, in turn, are less likely to become defensive and more likely to hear you (whether today or 6 months from now).
Tip: Try asking questions like, “What led you to think that?” or “How did you come to
that conclusion?” These kinds of questions invite a dialogue, not a debate.
2. Share Your Perspective Only When Asked.
In contentious family discussions, it’s easy to feel like you need to jump in and defend
your own views. And many feel propelled to over-explain themselves or do some
convincing. However, it’s often more effective to hold back your own perspective unless
someone directly asks for it. When you do share, do so with humility, recognizing that
your perspective is just that—your perspective.
Tip: If asked for your opinion, share it succinctly and with empathy. For example, “I see
things differently because of my experience with [X], but I understand why you might
feel the way you do.” This invites open-mindedness and keeps the conversation
respectful.
3. Plant a Seed for More Openness: Leave Room for Future Conversations
Not every conversation will lead to resolution, but you can plant the seeds for more
openness in the future. Instead of feeling like you need to convince someone or “win”
the argument, focus on creating an environment where both sides feel heard. Leave the
door open for future discussions, which may lead to greater understanding over time.
Tip: End the conversation on a positive note, such as, “I’m glad we could talk about this,
and I hope we can continue the conversation sometime.” This leaves room for growth
and makes it clear that the relationship is more important than being right.
4. Manage Emotions: Know your current capacity
When emotions run high (like most folks in America today), it's easy for discussions to
devolve into arguments. If things start to feel tense, it’s okay to pause the conversation.
Take a deep breath, step back, and refocus on staying calm. Remember, the goal isn’t to
“win” the conversation. Be aware of your current capacity to manage your emotions. If
today is not the day to talk about it, you don’t have to talk about it.
Despite the polarized political climate today, the holidays don’t have to be a battleground for differing opinions. By approaching difficult conversations with curiosity, keeping your own perspective in check, and planting seeds for more openness in the future, you can navigate tricky family dynamics with respect and grace. And while not every conversation will end in agreement, what’s most important is maintaining a connection built on understanding, respect, and love.
Remember, the spirit of the holidays can often be found in togetherness—not in winning
arguments. And it is okay if togetherness is not what you need this year. Either way, by focusing on empathy and openness, you’ll make your holiday season one that’s full of connection, even in the midst of difficult conversations.
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